Self-Care Leads to Self Love
This year after months of personal mental health struggles I kick started merging my spiritual self care with everyday self-care. For many years I compartmentalized my spiritual self-care such as meditation, yoga practices & grounding from my everyday sustainable self care. I felt like to honor each I had to keep them separate. And the level I was struggling to get basic self-care done was really planting seeds of doubt in my ability to do either. What I’ve found to be true for myself now is taking care of my spirit facilitates the want and need to take care of myself everyday.
My self care routine can look extremely different on a day to day basis. There is that basic everyday baseline self-care that includes getting ready, organizing your space, and feeding yourself. For many on this earth, those simple tasks can be extremely difficult and even draining depending on your mental space. Moments like this I make a decision to give myself a chance that day by simply doing the mundane things my ego is convincing me isn't worth my time because ‘I'm not worth it.’ The self love that comes from the cognitive decision to take those first steps to give yourself a chance that day is extremely powerful and usually drives me to a space to create a reality that lights my soul on fire.
Creating is my go to action step when I'm feeling something, whether it be music, art , jewelry, or a better reality in the moment. My draw to creating doesn't come from a place of wanting a distraction from life, it's better yet a vessel to express myself no matter how ‘ugly’ the emotions may be. Sometimes taking on less responsibility and setting those energetic boundaries is what's best for creating a safe space for yourself and your current emotions! Over time I’ve approached my resting periods with extreme grace because that's the way I personally recharge once I’ve taken on too much of others' energy over the week. Taking calm moments to distress by reading, resting, journaling, praying, and meditating can bring you that sense of groundedness we all crave in the chaos.
The way I've been recently balancing all these different aspects of self care is actually putting myself first in a physical sense. In the past I’ve been reliant of others' opinions and been a people pleaser to avoid conflict which would ultimately lead to the dreaded abandonment I’m constantly protecting myself from. I was consistently pouring all I had into others around me to fulfill their happiness while simultaneously ignoring my own needs wondering where my support system was to help me out. While this is going on I also adopted a mindset that nobody understood or cared about the issues going on in my life & that it would be easiest to self isolate from everyone. This false narrative that life's easier with no one on your side to hurt you or better yet leave. Looking back at that mindset with a whole lot of grace, I feel for that teenager who’s biggest fears of being left were found to be true by those who promised to never do so. I feel for that kid who felt they had to build up those walls to make it through life unscathed as possible following childhood trauma.
It took a lot of self reflection to work through that mindset, it truly didn't feel good going about life with my heart space closed off and unwilling to receive any type of connection due to the what if’s and fear. And on the opposite end of the spectrum I had a previous mindset where I wanted to give all of the love to everyone and I think that led me into the closed off version of myself because hurt is inevitable if you don't have any form of boundaries with the love that you give. This winter a friend of mine shared a metaphor with me that I'm going to share with you, regarding your heart being like a garden. We know that a garden with walls won't allow anything in, even the animals that help its ecosystem. And on the other hand a garden with no protection is constantly getting encroached on. So the middle ground for this is having a fence around your garden so not all the wild animals can sneak in and take what you have chosen not to give. In this metaphor the fence represents boundaries which have been a huge theme in realizing my self worth and expressing it to others in my life. Which brings me to the fact that I’ve had some amazing family and friends by my side through this lifetime reminding me of their unconditional love for me even in the times I felt the most alone. But the piece that ultimately was missing was that unconditional love for myself. The lack of boundaries I had really mirrored the way I viewed myself and manifested itself into friendships with built up resentment.
Investing time in my self care really helped me on this journey of self love immensely and I see myself growing more and more everyday in my mentality, spiritually, and in relationships. There are still days that my ego tries to bring me down with it and have me question my light but having the ability to overlay those thoughts with actual truths regarding my character has helped quiet down those voices much more. My loved ones who show me unconditional love don't need to be my only/main source of validation anymore. I like to refer to them as my anchors because they remind me of who I am when I'm in such a vulnerable state without that toxic codependency. It’s up to me after those reminders to take those action steps and emulate that love for myself in the form of self care. Once doing so I’m recharged, my cup is full and I'm ready to pour out my love to the masses.
Ps. Thank you sweet, amazing Shakti Ananda for asking me to write on the topic of self care for her blog. I’ve met & created some wonderful bonds with some dope humans this year & I'm eternally blessed to have a sister like Shakti Ananda who would ask me to do something like this. I'm truly honored & so happy to walk my path of life beside such a supportive woman.
Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any specific questions regarding my piece, if you’d like to share any of your responses to any journal prompts or if you’re just down for a chat! :)
Sending love & light to all!!!
Kerrisa Morphis
Social Media: @KerrisaDanielle
ACTION STEP : Below is a list of self love & gratitude journaling prompts that I feel relate best to self care!
Who special someone has taught you about unconditional love in the past or present?
What are five personality traits that you are most thankful for?
What about your upbringing are you most grateful for?
Who or what in your life are you happy to have let go?
What does self love mean to you personally
What habit do you want to start for self love?
What memories make you feel loved?
What things make you feel happy to be alive?