Self-Care Leads to Self Love

This year after months of personal mental health struggles I kick started merging my spiritual self care with everyday self-care. For many years I compartmentalized my spiritual self-care such as meditation, yoga practices & grounding from my everyday sustainable self care. I felt like to honor each I had to keep them separate. And the level I was struggling to get basic self-care done was really planting seeds of doubt in my ability to do either. What I’ve found to be true for myself now is taking care of my spirit facilitates the want and need to take care of myself everyday.  

My self care routine can look extremely different on a day to day basis. There is that basic everyday baseline self-care that includes getting ready, organizing your space, and feeding yourself. For many on this earth, those simple tasks can be extremely difficult and even draining depending on your mental space. Moments like this I make a decision to give myself a chance that day by simply doing the mundane things my ego is convincing me isn't worth my time because ‘I'm not worth it.’  The self love that comes from the cognitive decision to take those first steps to give yourself a chance that day is extremely powerful and usually drives me to a space to create a reality that lights my soul on fire. 

Creating is my go to action step when I'm feeling something, whether it be music, art , jewelry, or a better reality in the moment. My draw to creating doesn't come from a place of wanting a distraction from life, it's better yet a vessel to express myself no matter how ‘ugly’ the emotions may be. Sometimes taking on less responsibility and setting those energetic boundaries is what's best for creating a safe space for yourself and your current emotions! Over time I’ve approached my resting periods with extreme grace because that's the way I personally recharge once I’ve taken on too much of others' energy over the week. Taking calm moments to distress by reading, resting, journaling, praying, and meditating can bring you that sense of groundedness we all crave in the chaos. 

The way I've been recently balancing all these different aspects of self care is actually putting myself first in a physical sense. In the past I’ve been reliant of others' opinions and been a people pleaser to avoid conflict which would ultimately lead to the dreaded abandonment I’m constantly protecting myself from. I was consistently pouring all I had into others around me to fulfill their happiness while simultaneously ignoring my own needs wondering where my support system was to help me out. While this is going on I also adopted a mindset that nobody understood or cared about the issues going on in my life & that it would be easiest to self isolate from everyone. This false narrative that life's easier with no one on your side to hurt you or better yet leave. Looking back at that mindset with a whole lot of grace, I feel for that teenager who’s biggest fears of being left were found to be true by those who promised to never do so. I feel for that kid who felt they had to build up those walls to make it through life unscathed as possible following childhood trauma. 

It took a lot of self reflection to work through that mindset, it truly didn't feel good going about life with my heart space closed off and unwilling to receive any type of connection due to the what if’s and fear. And on the opposite end of the spectrum I had a previous mindset where I wanted to give all of the love to everyone and I think that led me into the closed off version of myself because hurt is inevitable if you don't have any form of boundaries with the love that you give. This winter a friend of mine shared a metaphor with me that I'm going to share with you, regarding your heart being like a garden. We know that a garden with walls won't allow anything in, even the animals that help its ecosystem. And on the other hand a garden with no protection is constantly getting encroached on. So the middle ground for this is having a fence around your garden so not all the wild animals can sneak in and take what you have chosen not to give. In this metaphor the fence represents boundaries which have been a huge theme in realizing my self worth and expressing it to others in my life. Which brings me to the fact that I’ve had some amazing family and friends by my side through this lifetime reminding me of their unconditional love for me even in the times I felt the most alone. But the piece that ultimately was missing was that unconditional love for myself. The lack of boundaries I had really mirrored the way I viewed myself and manifested itself into friendships with built up resentment.

Investing time in my self care really helped me on this journey of self love immensely and I see myself growing more and more everyday in my mentality, spiritually, and in relationships. There are still days that my ego tries to bring me down with it and have me question my light  but having the ability to overlay those thoughts with actual truths regarding my character has helped quiet down those voices much more.  My loved ones who show me unconditional love don't need to be my only/main source of validation anymore. I like to refer to them as my anchors because they remind me of who I am when I'm in such a vulnerable state without that toxic codependency. It’s up to me after those reminders to take those action steps and emulate that love for myself in the form of self care. Once doing so I’m recharged, my cup is full and I'm ready to pour out my love to the masses. 

Ps. Thank you sweet, amazing Shakti Ananda for asking me to write on the topic of self care for her blog. I’ve met & created some wonderful bonds with some dope humans this year & I'm eternally blessed to have a sister like Shakti Ananda who would ask me to do something like this. I'm truly honored & so happy to walk my path of life beside such a supportive woman. 

Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any specific questions regarding my piece, if you’d like to share any of your responses to any journal prompts or if you’re just down for a chat! :) 

Sending love & light to all!!! 

Kerrisa Morphis

Social Media: @KerrisaDanielle

kdmorphis81799@gmail.com 

ACTION STEP : Below is a list of self love & gratitude journaling prompts that I feel relate best to self care!

• Who special someone has taught you about unconditional love in the past or present?

• What are five personality traits that you are most thankful for?

• What about your upbringing are you most grateful for?

• Who or what in your life are you happy to have let go?

• What does self love mean to you personally

•  What habit do you want to start for self love?

• What memories make you feel loved?

• What things make you feel happy to be alive? 
  

Boundaries

Boundaries

Boundaries is described as a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line; a borderline

So then boundaries are distinguished marks that separate one area from another. There are different types of boundaries eg; a physical boundary, like a wall or a fence and personal boundaries. 

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being violated or taken advantage of by others. 

This is why establishing proper boundaries are very important, by setting those personal boundaries we preserve our integrity, take responsibility for who you are, and are in control of our life.

I like to think of it as the invisible shield you put around yourself to let others know where you stand, what works for you and what doesn't. 

Unhealthy boundaries on the other hand is a total disregard for your own and others feelings, values , needs and wants. 

Signs of Healthy Boundaries

• Saying “No” without any guilt

• Saying “Yes” because you want to, and not out of obligation or to please others

• Knowing who you are , what you believe, what you enjoy

• Asking for what you need or what

• Behaving according to your own values and beliefs

Signs of unhealthy Boundaries

• Your feelings are being dismissed and criticized 

• Feeling responsible for others happiness

• Dis-empowerment. Allowing others to make decisions for you

• Being asked to justify your feelings.

• Being told how to feel.

How to set clear boundaries

• So it's time to set some boundaries and you may be wondering how to go about doing that, you can first tap into the innate wisdom within, feel when something is not aligned with your truth or beliefs, trust your body instincts.

• Release the judgement on yourself and the idea that others will judge or dismiss your boundaries. Understand that you are doing this for yourself and others. Know your worth.

• Take small steps confidently, let your “no“  be no without explanation, if you choose to explain so be it but you are not obligated to. 

•  Communicate your boundaries or expectations clearly, calmly, and consistently. Stick to the facts without over explaining, blaming, or becoming defensive.

• Be consistent, it helps others to know that you have established a boundary and you are upholding it.

• Self care-  you set boundaries because you love and care about yourself enough to preserve your sanity and space. You communicate self-respect by imposing boundaries on disrespectful behavior. We teach others how to treat us by showing them how we treat ourselves.

“ I believe in you and I love you, so please take care of yourselves and set some boundaries.”

Shakti Ananda

Revealing the I

Do you feel heard? Do you feel like you need more room to express yourself?

Our society’s customs and practices are about masking how we truly feel and responding with the standard, glib answer, “I’m good.” Because of this, most people’s mind and body have become rigid and ruled by parameters which are detrimental to the spirit. There are many people that are trapped by these boundaries, and their souls are crying out, pushing against the walls.

Some people were taught that any strong or passionate expression of emotions was not acceptable or permitted. From an early age, young boys learned that being vulnerable was to be weak and that only girls show softer emotions. Children, especially girls, were taught they should be seen and not heard and how they dress and how they present themselves is dictated. 

Many of us have learned to hide and stuff down our emotions. So we did. We stuffed them deep down and became prisoners in our own bodies, and so a vicious cycle takes place. We feel the pain of being trapped, angry at ourselves for not pushing against those boundaries and angry with the world for not allowing us a safe place to express ourselves. Insecurity, anxiety and lack of self-worth steps in; we feel confused by the feelings and emotions that are stirring within us, constantly being bombarded by outside influences. No longer able to distinguish our inner teacher (intuition) from the echoes of old, broken belief systems that constantly reminds us of the illusion of fear that lies on the other side of the wall. Sooner or later depression shows up with discomfort and dis-ease, followed by questions about our existence. The medicine, of course, is self-expression but because of fear, judgment or punishment, the emotions get repressed once again.

When we hide who we truly are, and are fearful of expressing, we are denying our spiritual purpose. This can show up in our body as pain, stress, sadness, low immune system, poor blood circulation, insomnia, high sugar levels, depression, and even suicide.

Self-expression is not a want, it is a Need! Movement and verbal expression stimulate the whole being. By using our bodies to release the mind, we become more aware of the mind/body connection and begin to feel a sense of wholeness.

Find or create a safe space to express yourself through dance, chant, free movement, podcasting, whatever moves you.

Through self-expression, one can reduce stress and inflammation and feel happier and more relaxed. It builds the immune system, lowers blood pressure and sugar levels, provides mental clarity, focus, empowerment, and a sense of self-worth, appreciation, humility and gratitude.

When we give ourselves permission to break free from mental imprisonment, we experience the true meaning of Living. In this space, our mind, body and spirit are in balance and harmony.

Much love,

Shakti Ananda